Huna Article

Huna International

Expressing Rage
by Graeme Kapono Urlich

I have seen workshops and therapy sessions advertised for people ready to “express their rage”. This idea that negative emotions like anger are things that get stuck in the body and you have to express them fully to get them out has been “all the rage” for quite some time now.

Mainly what this is doing is rehearsing the behaviour. There may be a temporary release of tension doing this, which feels good for a time, and a temporary sense of power, but typically the tension builds back up if the underlying source of the issue is not dealt with. Sometimes a person gets so tired of expressing it that they decide it is enough and they shift their focus to something else.

Often though, a person may get stuck in a cycle of expressing the rage, going back to the pattern that causes the tension in the first place, then go express some rage when it feels bad enough or there has been an explosion of rage in an inappropriate way. Typically there are “rules” about expressing such emotions so they get suppressed for a time and the only tool our Ku, our body mind, has to do that is more tension.

In his article Understanding Emotions, Dr Serge Kahili King explains the nature of emotions as behaviours. He offers some ways to begin to change the patterns in his article Feelings. Most often, these emotions revolve around relationships and difficulty communicating. Serge’s book Happy Me, Happy You goes more deeply into the relationship we have with ourselves and offers many techniques for creating beneficial changes in the relationships we have with everyone and everything.

It is sufficient to be mildly aware of the habit of getting angry or fearful etc. to be able to begin changing the underlying thoughts and behaviours. My article Think, Feel, Relax, Rehearse explains two techniques for working with these feelings and reactions. Attempting to “express them out of existence” may do more harm than good.

It is important to remember that our feelings are coming from within ourselves. They may be a reaction to something someone has done but always, they are our reactions based on our rules. Sometimes people do learn what “triggers” us and will do those things to deliberately upset us, but they can only do that until we change the behaviour, change the way we react to their behaviour.

Usually these types of behaviours come from a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, we are brought up to believe our feelings are less important than those of others, which can lead to demanding that they be put ahead of those of others. I have met people who portray themselves as “empowered” when really they are just “aggressive”. This is a step in the right direction from where they have typically started but assertiveness never needs to be aggressive when it comes from true self-worth.

Graeme Kapono Urlich (March 2024) ©

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